


Denial

by theresnomeaning



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, post-DH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 10:54:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4663908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresnomeaning/pseuds/theresnomeaning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something was wrong, he knew that... but sometimes denial is all that is left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

Tired, Harry felt so tired lately. He spent most of his time in the bed, trying to rest and to regain the disposition he once had. Something must be wrong... Where was Severus? Severus must be somewhere near—he always was.

Harry called softly for his partner, and felt a warm hand caress his forehead. "I am here, Harry." Severus told him.

"Tired." Harry said. Severus stiffened but continued his caresses. The Gryffindor licked his lips, noticing only then how dry his mouth was. As if Severus read his mind, a cool glass was pressed against Harry's lips. He drank half of it, feeling much better—the water washed away a metallic taste that the young man had not even noticed on his mouth.

"I have called a doctor." Severus said. "You are not well."

"I'm just tired." Harry slurred and blinked sleepily, feeling the pull of unconsciousness reaching him. The last thing he saw before surrendering to darkness was Severus' worried gaze.

.

The next time Harry woke he felt a spell being cast on him. It wasn't Severus' magic, so there was something wrong. He tried to summon his wand but all the strength he had was used to open his eyes.

"Severus?" he asked, seeing his lover and an unknown man standing in front of the bed.

"Harry, this is Dr. Smithson, he is performing exams so we can know what is wrong with you."

"Hello, Mr. Potter," the doctor said with a small smile. "It is an honour to treat you." Harry frowned and Severus rolled his eyes. Smithson cast a few more spells. "There. All done."

The tiredness was already reaching Harry, but he forced himself to stay alert, wanting to know what the Hell was wrong with him.

"So?" Severus asked with just mild annoyance and impatience. The doctor raised one eyebrow before responding.

"Unfortunately I could not ascertain what is wrong with Mr. Potter." Severus snorted, looking angry. "I will perform a few more tests with the blood samples that I have collected and contact you. Right now the only treatment I recommend is invigorating potions—I am sure you will be capable of brewing them, Mr. Snape."

"Of course."

Harry did not pay much attention after that, and succumbed once more.

.

"Smithson, really, Severus?" Lucius drawled as soon as they left the room where Harry was resting, waving his wand and muttering the counter for the glamour he was using. "Ah, much better now." he said, smiling as his eyes returned to grey and his hair to the almost white blond.

Snape snorted and rubbed his temples. "Stop this, Lucius."

Lucius pursed his lips and sat on a couch. "I still do not understand why this little act was needed—but then again you always liked to be dramatic."

"He must believe that he is ill." Severus said quietly. "Can you imagine what he would do if he knew what is wrong?"

Lucius nodded silently.

"I just need time..."

"And you also need to deal with the repercussions, of course." Lucius added, seeming pessimist.

"I know this..."

"Were I you, I would just kill him at once."

"Get out, Lucius." Severus shouted. "Get out."

"No need for that, my friend." Lucius said but stood up. "Narcissa sends her regards. Call me when Dr. Smithson is needed."

Before reaching the door Lucius spared a glance back. Severus knew it was a warning and that although Lucius would not try anything he could his best—or worse—to complicate things even more than was needed.

.

Harry woke up feeling somewhat better—meaning that he did not feel the need to lay down or sleep just as he opened his eyes. Severus was beside him, sleeping. Harry noticed that his lover had dark circles around his eyes, and that his expression even while asleep was one of concern. The Gryffindor felt slightly guilty, knowing that Severus was probably sick with worry about Harry's mysterious illness.

He resisted the urge to kiss Severus' lips and wake his partner doing naughty things. Severus looked like he really needed to sleep, and Harry felt a bit unsure about finishing anything he might start, with his constant tiredness and all...

Instead Harry very slowly got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom. Merlin, he needed a bath! His last one had been when? He could not even remember.

The bath was invigorating, even though Harry felt relaxed. His head was leaning against the bath, and Harry closed his eyes, deeply inhaling the scent of the lotions he'd poured on the water. That was the first time when he really wondered about what was wrong with him. Was it a disease? Would he make through it?

A coldness spread through his spine as the seed of fear was planted on his mind. He had once sacrificed his life, but he was not ready to die now... He really wasn't. He could not bear to leave Severus, he had a lot more to live for now than he had before... And well, at those times his sacrifice was necessary. But now it shouldn't be, he was supposed to live happily and without much worries, to have everything that was denied for nearly the first two decades of his life.

He was afraid to die, and it was a strange fear. So much more he could do... Harry could almost comprehend the fear of death that...

"Harry!" Severus called, startling Harry.

"Hello." Harry replied, smiling.

"I am glad to see that you are feeling better." Severus said, walking towards the sink to wash his face.

"Indeed I am... In fact, I think we should even enjoy this time, if you know what I mean..." he replied with a sly face.

Severus smirked like he did when Harry was trying to be seductive, but something was off. His black eyes were guarded, and his posture defensive.

"Aren't you a perverted little thing?" Severus said and approached the bath. "You pass days sleeping and when you finally wake up all you can think is about sex. How naughty, Mr. Potter. I should have given you more detentions."

Harry relaxed. Maybe Severus was just being protective—and by Merlin, he would hate to be treated like porcelain. "I don't know, maybe I could end up enjoying it too much."

Severus chuckled and dove his hand in the water, rubbing Harry's stomach, ghosting over his left nipple. The younger wizard gasped and arched slightly off the bath. His cock was already hard, and it had been so, so long. Severus' hand went a bit down, but did not touch where Harry wanted.

"Please." Harry said, his head thrown back and lips parted. "Touch me."

"I am touching you, Harry." the Slytherin murmured and continued to caress, now touching Harry's thighs.

"I need, Severus... Oh, please." Harry pleaded and was already starting to move his hand and reach for his cock when Severus finally took pity on him and started to slowly stroke Harry's cock. It did not take lot of time before Harry's muscles tensed and he came, spilling himself on the water.

Harry laid there breathless for some minutes, feeling Severus rubbing his shoulders and neck. His release had left Harry exhausted and he suddenly felt bad, knowing that they—that he—was done for the time, and that he could not do anything more. Fucking illness!

"Do you want me t—" Harry halfheartedly asked.

"Shhh." Severus interrupted. "Rest now."

They stayed there for some more minutes, until Harry felt the exhaustion really taking him, and then strong arms pulled him out of the bath.

.

Dr. Smithson came two times after his first visit, but the man still could not find out what was wrong with Harry. It was a frustrating and terrifying situation. He only continued to prescribe invigorating potions, but Harry knew it wasn't a solution... Especially because they were starting to make no effect after some weeks.

Severus was a wreck, Harry could tell that much. The Potions Master had lost some weight, and the dark circles under his eyes were even more apparent. And the younger man also knew that his lover was drinking more than he should. Harry feared that Severus might become an alcoholic—his father had been one, after all...

.

It was done. Harry Potter had no magic any more. Severus' hand trembled as he put his wand down and a droplet of sweat ran down his forehead. Something inside him twisted with guilt, crushing his heart until he felt physically sick and vomited on the floor.

He vanished the mess from his feet and the floor and exited the room, not able to bear being in the same room as Harry at that moment.

.

Harry had had a lot of bad experiences in his life... Like when he had understood what it meant to be an orphan and what he would never have. Like when he saw Sirius falling through the veil... When he saw Dumbledore dying...

Today was one of the worst days of his life.

He clutched the pillow and let the tears fall down freely. Severus touched his shoulders trying to comfort him, but it did not really work.

His magic was gone. The fucking mysterious disease had taken his magic away.

He mourned as though a part of him had died. Maybe it had.

.

Severus stared at the glass of firewhiskey in front of him. Harry was asleep already for about thirty minutes, what meant that the four doses of alcohol he'd drunk soon would not be enough. His head was hurting, and the few bruises he had on his torso were aching dully. He could have used a salve on them, but he left them there to remind him, to incentive him to find a way...

Only that it was getting harder day by day.

"I see that you are already drinking."

Severus ignored Harry's voice and continued to stare through the transparent surface.

"Perhaps you will end up like your father, after all." The glass shattered against the wall, enticing a malicious chuckle. "Your father did just like that, didn't he? Or perhaps he would have thrown the glass on your mother..."

Ignoring the words, Severus summoned another glass, and this time filled it with water.

"My, you really try to not be like him... Well, since you are a fag you don't need to worry about a son of yours killing you like you did." a shrug. "But his bad blood runs through your veins..."

"Shut up!" Severus shouted and strode out of the room.

.

Harry shivered and blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. His hands were around Severus' neck. Squeezing, bruising... almost killing. He jumped out of he bed and staggered, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. He heard Severus take a deep breath and cough several times.

What the fuck had just happened? Harry did nit remember how or why he'd tried to kill his lover. He turned to see Severus reaching for his wand beneath the pillow.

Harry swallowed hard, staring at the purple bruises forming on the pale neck... his gaze went up just to see the lips whispering a spell.

"Obliviate..."

.

"These bruises suit you well, Severus. They look just fine with the scars that Nagini gave you."

Severus ignored the other speaking and just cast a spell to restrain his attacker.

"You were going to kill us, weren't you, Severus?" a laugh. "I wonder just how much I need to do push you into doing it. To kill the boy you've sworn to protect—although I doubt your mudblood would be happy with you buggering her son..."

That had indeed been close, an attack that Severus was not expecting. However, Severus would not fail in his resolve and end up killing Harry so he could be rid of Voldemort.

After the war he found out that the horcrux inside Harry had created a void, and one that was prone to be filled with another soul... And then the last shard of Voldemort's soul, the one in his reptilian body, had attached itself to Harry.

Severus stripped Harry of his magic trying to stop Voldemort's power, to stop him from taking over Harry's body completely; it had been one of the worst thing he'd done in his life—and he'd done quite a lot of horrible deeds.

It did not seem enough. He had even gone to Lucius, who had the books on Dark Arts that he would need... He did not trust Malfoy to betray his secret—or do something foolish, due to his fear of Voldemort rising yet once again—but he had blackmail material, and the Malfoy library was the best place to look for something that dark.

Nothing worked.

Of course, Severus could always cast a killing curse and  _pray_  for it to work. Not that he would ever risk Harry's life like that...

"You look distressed, Severus. Trying to find a way to be rid of me without risking your sweetheart?"

Severus averted his eyes from Harry's, now crimson, inhuman looking ones.

"You left me without magic and destroyed my plans..." Voldemort hissed. "I just have the way to destroy you too, Severus. Fear not, for I will not try to harm this body... Sweet Harry's mind, however, is another matter. I think it would be funny if I made myself known to him—can you imagine how he would act?" Voldemort chuckled. "He would probably try to sacrifice himself again, wouldn't he?"

Severus stiffened. Harry could not find out what was happening, or his Gryffindor need to save the world would get him killed, sacrificed for the Greater Good... But even if that happened, he would find a way to deal...

"Or I could just enjoy my time playing with you," Voldemort continued, interrupting Severus' thoughts. "Did you know that sometimes my eyes are green? I wonder how you feel if you had to guess to whom you are talking, who you are kissing..."

Horrified, Severus turned his face away, not wanting to show his devastated expression.

.

Severus watched Harry reading a book. The younger man smiled softly when he noticed his lover's stare on him.

Years, it had been years since Voldemort had stopped to use Harry's energy just to exhaust him, and Harry's life had returned to normal.

Lucius' death due to a rare disease had been a bless, and now Severus was the only one aware of what had happened to Harry...

But Voldemort's words echoed in his mind all the time, and he always wondered if beneath Harry's innocent, loving smile, there was the malicious mind of a monster.

Severus turned away, resuming his own reading.

He missed the way Harry ducked his head and gripped the book with more force than necessary. He missed the brief, discreet battle fought.

Or perhaps he just didn't want to see it any more.


End file.
